words, words, words

It’s amazing starting to notice how many sentences you start with the words “I hate.” Time to start becoming accountable for myself and my speech.

-Brandon Monokian: Director

on the same page

Jedediah Schultz, an interview subject and eventual character in The Laramie Project, recently wrote an article reflecting on his involvement and experience with the play. He is quoted as saying "A city, like a person, contains beauty and ugliness and is ultimately much, much more than a single tragic moment in time." I think this is incredibly crucial to remember, now and always. We must remember all the facets of Laramie, of Matthew, of the perpetrators Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, of the notorious Fred Phelps, of Montclair State University, of ourselves, of the world. Yoko Ono says "we are all on the same page." To share my personal opinion, I do not believe in good people and bad people. I believe in people.

-Victoria, assistant director

it's that time...

it's officially opening night eve for us, which is pretty damn exciting! the typical rush of having a show open comes back to me as i think about the last few shows i've done. but this is a different type of feeling. sure i'm extremely excited about my family and friends coming and them seeing us do this powerful piece as actors, but i've never felt so natural while doing a piece. and i think that's got a lot to do with all our exercises that involve being connected to each other as humans, making beautiful images, etc. so that's good. kudos us :)

also, i read an entry from greg pierotti written in 2008 on the actual laramie blog. he mentioned visiting marge murray and amanda gronich playing her. because i play both these characters i feel incredibly connected to them. almost like i know them. it's so interesting to read the real blog and articles about the tectonic members because i feel that i'm a part of it. not directly obviously, but to know the names of the people they mention, and the places and descriptions they give, i think it's really cool. and i know i am going to have a hard time when our show ends. not that i'm anticipating it, of course, we still have the entire week to go! but i feel like i can connect with the real members because they even say in the play that it was hard to move on afterwards, that they were stuck after the whole thing. sometimes i just can't wrap my mind around how beautiful this entire piece and experience is. it's getting extra emotional at rehearsals now, especially with the lovely music, and it's all just really deep and beautiful and moving. i can't say enough how honored i feel to be playing such amazing people. and everyone is doing a really amazing job and i'm so glad the cast has gone through the entire process together. i'm so grateful for everything. i am SO ready for our last dress rehearsal and for opening night!

spread the love

When I first began to work on The Laramie Project, it did not really occur to me that this was more than just a piece of theater for entertainment. This script depicts humanity, in the strongest way, through text; real life quotes from real life people for real life people. From my perspective, everyone in the cast and crew has been respecting and appreciating the characters they are playing or listening to. People have done research on their characters backgrounds, discovering simple things, even down to the kind of jacket their character, the human they are portraying, would and does wear. This is not like anything I have ever done before, and I believe that most of the cast and crew would agree with me…character backgrounds on people who actually exist. We don’t even know these people who the cast is portraying. The most we know about them is from the tiny descriptions the text supplies, as well as the words they spoke that were chosen to be put into the script. We can do extensive research through search engines or Wikipedia, but we will never really know these people. Yet, the effort that the cast is making to portray these strangers is incredible to observe. Imagine if we all made the effort to get to know each other for who we are, and not define each other with short descriptions told by somebody else. We have been taking the time to learn the ins and outs of the characters, who are actually people; learning how they tick, what makes them tick, where they come from, what they come from, why they say things, how they say things. What if we did this with the people we meet on a regular basis? Well we would go crazy, but I am taking a vow to always keep this in the back of my mind—taking even just a minute, to maybe, consider what someone is going through. You never really know what someone is enduring, whether it be in a particular minute, hour, day, week, year, or anything further, in the past, present or future. I promise to smile at more people, to talk to more people, ask them how they are. In the end, we are all each other has. If you throw away our surroundings and our materials, it comes down to humanity and there is nothing better than trusting each other. The first step to doing that is being honest and faithful, so I will make an effort to do that myself. I will allow myself to be vulnerable and take initiative when it comes to interacting with others. Even though it is a feeling that could never be explained, love is something that should always be exchanging, through a glance, a hug, a smile, a kiss, a conversation. I just looked up the definition of Love on dictionary.com. There were many definitions, but this one stood out to me the most: Love: affectionate concern for the well-being of others. Is that all it takes? Spread the love .
Daria Feneis, Stage Manager

nearly showtime

tonight my roommates and i were talking about when they were planning on coming to see the show. and i had also been talking to my friends from high school and letting them know about the dates and whatnot. and as much as i am excited to have my roommates and others see me challenge myself as an actor, i keep telling the people i'm inviting to the show that it's not about me, or any of the other actors, essentially. i mean, sure, obviously, this is is a great opportunity for all of us as theatre artists to collaborate and be talented and awesome together (or something) but i'm really focusing on letting everyone know that it's about the message we're trying to spread through this story, which is one about love and compassion and erasing hate. and i've never done that before about shows that i've been in, and it keeps reminding me how honored and blessed and special i feel about being a part of this and being able to spread this message through this beautiful piece of theatre and history.

some thoughts

So I've been feeling really off lately and it's taken me this long to make the connection between this weird feeling and the show. I've felt a lot more vulnerable and sort of as if I could break at any point; which is what happened last night.
We watched this movie about a school shooting called Elephant as a cast and as I was driving home I knew what was coming. I got home and told my aunt about the movie and I was telling her why its different from our show. This movie was purely informational and was just exploring what might occur at a school on a day like this. It was unforgiving; there was no message; there was no recuperation. I'm not criticizing it as a movie at all, I'm just noting that this is they way they approached this subject matter and they did a very nice job of it. I appreciate it as a piece of film and it definitely affected me but its not a movie I ever need to see again. Its not a movie I could describe as one I like. Laramie is different because while it does delve into the horrific details of this crime there is a message. Its a show that leaves you with hope and love. This movie left us with death and insanity and redemption at all; not even for a second. And I'm not saying that they should have because very often in real life that is the case but on a personal level I just couldn't take it.
I was thinking about this as I was leaving my aunt's room and going to my own room and I felt like I was being physically hit over the head. I just stopped dead in my tracks and started crying and could not stop myself for at least a half an hour. Even after I calmed down I slept for maybe about 3 hours that night.
In a perfect world good inspires other works of good and sometimes thats how it goes. Sometimes its not. Sometimes evil is what we get. But good comes out of evil too. Thats the thing we need to walk away with from all of these kinds of situations, I think. I mean yea, two people in Laramie, Wyoming did something unforgivable and heartbreaking but from that mess came Romaine Patterson and her Angels. What a tragically beautiful thing.
Judy Shepard told people to go home and hug their kids and never let a day go by without telling them you love them, and Rulon Stacey comments about how this made him think about his own daughters and how Judy doesn't have her kid anymore. That visual really resinates with me. And so does all of the mother/ daughter stuff going on with Reggie, who is one of my characters, and her own mother.
Lately I've taken to calling my mother for no reason; I just want to talk, or when I get upset, instead of a friend I'll call her. I didn't realize until last night that this show is the reason for that. When I was upset after the movie I called her and she made me feel better and the next day she texted me and told me she was coming up to stay the night and I don't know why but I wanted to cry when I got it.
Sorry this entry is kind of all over the place but I just wanted to get my thoughts down before I forgot them.

-kelsey

close to home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgRLWMO78DY


thanks to Kaitlin, who flagged this video of WBC protesting at Rutgers University, our southern NJ counterpart.

Despite being 2010, in the 21st century, and despite their deceptive mask of Christianity and Jesus Christ, people are still preaching hate over tolerance.

Life Consuming

Ok, lets just start out by saying that I am completely incompetent when it comes to blogging, so many thanks to Kristen for figuring it out.

So I have come to realize that Laramie has started to consume my life...not it a bad way, not at all, but more of like it is all I talk about. Whenever someone says something even remotely reminds me of something we talked about at rehearsal, I got on like these tangents. Take for example the other day when my roommate brought up that her brother might be joining the army. I went on for about 10 minutes telling her about the Westboro Baptist Church and how they protested the funerals of soldiers and people who had died of aids. I guess I just want everyone around me to know what it is that I'm finding out. I mean, I think a large part of the play is making people aware that there is still an incredible amount of hate in our country.
To kinda go off of what I was talking about, now that I mentioned the Westboro Baptist "Church," I just wanted to share that the other day at rehearsal we watched a video on youtube with Micheal Moore as he went up against the "Church." I had to leave rehearsal, after thar video to go to class, but the whole time I was sitting in class I was actually sick to my stomach think about how violently one group of people can hate another.

-Katie, actor

Some thoughts

I was doing some brief background research on some of the characters I play while trying to find some music that I thought might suit the show. After a few hours, I'm not really sure how much time had actually passed, but I was in a down kind of mood, sad but more than that. I got a skype call from my friends while I was googling peoples' names and I was caught off guard when they were laughing. Not that I was completely in a dark cave of doom and gloom but I'd stumble upon something on the internet pertaining to a character I was looking for, then that would lead to something else and so on, and I ended up finding some really interesting and helpful things. But I couldn't search anything without finding the headlines that read something like, Night of Terror, things about murder, obviously, etc. But anyway, after I was done researching for the night I went to wash my face and thought about what my drama cub director told us to do after we were put into a sad mood when working on a drama: to step back, get out of that world, and remember reality. But then it dawned on me: this play, The Laramie Project, is 100% reality. This IS the world and this did happen in real life. This isn't something you can rehearse and then remove yourself from after a few hours just because it's a play. And I don't want people to become depressed or extremely upset after seeing this show or even while working on it, because I know that can be scarring, and that's not what we're trying to do. At one point in the show Romaine Patterson states that her and her angels are spreading a message of love and compassion. This is what this story is about. That, and making people aware that this is real life and that it actually happened, to real people in a real place called Laramie. I just thought it was something interesting to think about, and that I've never come to that realization before during other productions. Just something else that makes this piece so extraordinary.

-Kaitlin, actor

As long as it's not around me

I've been thinking alot since our rehearsal on Saturday. Mostly about myself and just the group together. I'm really enjoying the level of comfort that seems to be forming throughout the cast, and I personally am feeling more comfortable as a result. I found myself just sitting there, and really taking in what people had to say, either about their own struggles or the struggles of others that they know. I was especially surprised when Brian, who I feel like I know the least at the moment, shared about himself. I was kinda thrown off, because I can't say I've spoken more than two words with the guy, and then he just lays out all these things that have happened to him to a group of practically strangers. So when I speak about that comfort that I'm feeling, that definitely was a big part of it. I shared a personal story as well, about a time that I was on the beach. For the blog's sake, I guess I'll recap the story I told:

I was on the beach all day at Avon with the guy I was seeing at the time. We had a really fun day of just swimming, laying out, talking etc. As the sun was setting and the day was ending, we began to kiss. Light kissing, nothing too sexual, just nice, intimate kissing. As this is happening, I just hear in the distance, "Take it somewhere else guys." And I look up to see some middle-aged man standing near us. And I just reply, "Excuse me?" and he responds, "Cmon, this is a family beach. There are kids around." "WTF does that mean?" I replied. He just continues with the same two things he already said. Meanwhile, I notice another couple, man and woman, making out like on top of eachother. Borderline dry-humping. And yet, this man has to talk to us?

Now, everytime I think of this day, I get so tense in my throat, chest, lungs, etc. I was infuriated for the rest of that day, my perfect beach day was ruined. Even as I type right now I can feel this tension. I think the reason why it bothered me so much is that I always have this fucking wall up. This guard that won't let me really be happy with who I am. I have such a HUGE problem with PDA, (hand-holding, etc.) and just for this one day, I didn't even think about it. But as soon as that man, whoever he may be, said just two comments to me, my wall shot up again quicker than lightning. And yet, as angry as this situation still makes me, I thought to myself on saturday "So what? This douchebag just said a few words to me. That's it. He didn't curse at me, he didn't hit me, he didn't overtly insult me." And yet, his comments still grab at my chest."

I'm 20 years old turning 21 this year, and Matthew Shepherd was 21 when he was killed. If I was half as outspoken and open with myself as Matthew was, I could very well be in a situation not unlike his. I could easily be a victim to a hate crime if I put myself out there like he did. Because, my sexual orientation is something I have to think about everywhere I go. There are places where it's OK and not OK for me to be who I am. And like that day on the beach, I thought it was a place that was OK. What if I do that again, but only the next time it will be more than just a few rude comments at me? That scares me. Even before I left to move back to school this semester I was reminded of that fact that it's not always OK, my mom told me to be careful of my roommates, because they're all frat guys that I didn't know. She's afraid for my safety. It sucks that I have to aware of this everyday. I hate it.

This all reminds me of a quote I hear from people more often than I'd like to (in response to someone telling them their gay) "It's cool that you're gay, as long as it's not around me." Fuck that. That's not OK. And I'm beginning to realize that more as we go on. I should be able to be who I am anywhere that I damn well please.

-Joe, actor

Week 1: An insanely brief recap.

Can’t believe we’ve only had one week of rehearsals. It feels like much longer, but in a good way. First rehearsal brought some great people together over some great food and even greater discussion. Everyone involved wants to be there, which can at times be hard to come by as a participant in a creative process. Can’t wait to see what this week brings.

Brandon Monokian- Director

Word of Mouth

I was telling my friend my opinion of a show we saw yesterday for a class. I told her that I liked it and that I thought the actors were really good and that the stage itself looked really cool, but that I didn't like the ending and didn't really get anything from the show itself. Her response to this was something to the effect of Oh, well, when I go to see a show that's not one of the things I think of. Uh, what? You don't go into a show expecting to at least get a little something from it? Not only was I confused by what she said but I knew that that is not the kind of response I would want to hear from someone who comes to see our Laramie Project. I'm pretty sure I can speak for the entire cast and crew when I say that I want everyone who comes to see this show to be touched, moved, and motivated to make a change in the way they treat people, even in little things they do. This show is a big deal, and I want people to know that we are doing a really big thing. I told some of my other friends we were doing a blog to document our experiences during this whole process, and that if anyone wanted to read it they were free to. One of my friends I was talking to asked why, why we were keeping a blog for it. Uh, hello?! I don't think people understand the magnitude of this piece and what an important piece of our recent history it is. Mind you, my friend who asked why we were keeping a blog is gay, so I was even more confused why he seemed not to care. This piece can affect so many different kinds of people in so many different ways. On the other hand, so many different kinds of people are still ignorant about the subject and need to at least be told this story. I'm incredibly honored that I get to not only work with such a great cast and crew on this project, but that I get to be part of such a big thing, a big thing that really happened and that we will be sharing with our in hopes of teaching people not only the facts but about love. I want people to walk away getting something from this piece, a really big something that they can share with the rest of the world in hopes of making it a more loving place.

-Kaitlin, actor

More than a Play

At first, The Laramie Project was just another play. A play that I could show off my acting skills and get the chance to work with great people. Prior to getting cast, I had never read the play nor seen the movie. I knew the background story, but it was still hard for me to really believe that a boy was killed just for being simply different. I realized that this is not just a play, but a true event that will one day lead the world to social acceptance. I need to be totally invested in this show in order to pass this important information on to future generations so that these types of events will no longer happen. For me, I was in my own little world and did not realize that people today were still being abused and attacked just for being gay. The world has come so far in accepting people, but there are still so many miles to go. This is not just a play, but a story that needs to be told and people need to hear it. I have grown so much in only a few weeks and I have Matthew Shepard to thank for that.

-Ashley, actor

An actor's perspective

So when I heard Brandon was directing this show I made a point to go out and read it before the auditions and to be honest, it didn't jump out at me then. I just saw a play. A good, well written play, but a play nonetheless. I'm not sure when it was that the weight of this show started to sink into me.
The more I think about this the more it astounds me. As I sit and listen to everyone reading these words i just keep thinking about how these are actual people. These are the exact words that came out of their mouths and they're really out there somewhere.
I've only ever approached a show one way; as an actor but I feel like thats not good enough for this show. I have such a strong urge to get this right. I'm used to a play challenging me as an actor but not so much as a person. Sounds corny, I know but its true.
I didn't realize what I was getting myself into but I'm very glad that I'm here.

-Kelsey, actress

I'm sitting here in the Student Center on a Saturday afternoon. It's freezing outside, a pathetically dreary day. Considering I'm a commuter, campus is the last place I would want or expect to be on the weekend.

But I'm here, in the Players office, watching the cast warm up before rehearsal. They're in pairs, using each other's warmth to energize their partners. Fingertips dance up and down spines to "wake up" the muscles. Comfort and trust is being built. Slowly but surely, energy is being pumped into the room, bodies are awakened and revitalized artists stand all around me, instead of the living dead that walked into the room minutes ago.

My job is a strange one. To observe; cultivate; assist; guide. Jobs in the theatrical world are usually so specific: director, actor, designer. As a dramaturg, I'm still learning my role every single rehearsal and every day.

This specific project is an incredible story to dramaturg. It feeds into my need for social change, for acceptance and tolerance. The Laramie Project is so much more than a play; it's a message, one that I have to help make clear and spread.

Today we'll talk, we'll laugh, we'll experience sadness together. And we'll build the message, preparing to blast it out all over this campus, and the world.

It's a tall order for a Saturday morning in January, but being around such motivation makes one realize that in this world, nothing is too hard to accomplish.

-Kristen, dramaturg

At the Beginning

This journey started in America's heartland, and ten years later it's here at Montclair State University.

Matthew Shepard was brutally tortured and murdered in October 1998 simply because he was gay. His life was wrongly taken from him for no reason, spurring movements all over the country that preached love, acceptance and tolerance. Matthew became a martyr for equality, and twelve years after his death we are still fighting the fight. Weeks ago the New Jersey Legislature denied the passage of a gay marriage bill, underlining just how relevant Matthew Shepard's story still is today.

There's so many things you can say about The Laramie Project; it's about human rights, communities, politics, love, hate, and so much more. The beauty in this story is that everyone can connect with different aspects of it, making it universal.

Spread love. Erase hate. Join us as we follow in the path of the Tectonic Theatre Project and open our hearts and souls to this wrenching story.

-Kristen, dramaturg